You'll notice I haven't updated my blog for over a month now. I didn't forget about it or think 'fuck it', I just haven't had the urge to write. You also may have noticed my best writing comes when I'm angry or need to get something off my chest. No? Oh... maybe my calm writing is okay as well then!?
So I'm here because I'm angry or because I need to get something off my chest? Not really; I feel like I'm in a good place right now, happy with my current lot. However; I found myself watching significant chunks of the Royal Variety Performance 2010 the other night. Was it Thursday? I enjoyed some of it, hated most of it and was astounded, frankly, at the average-ness of one or two performances. I was commenting to a good friend and we were debating the [de-] merits of each act... I thought I may as well try and get my blog back on track by documenting the observations.
Lee Mack
I'm a fan. I like his slightly manic style and he comes across as a genuinely nice bloke when he's interviewed. He seems comfortable mixing observational comedy, one-liners and stories, but he didn't have his best night on Thursday. I'd suggest that's probably down to the short time he had on stage and the way comedians' material has to be toned down for the Royal members of the audience. Which is rather ironic, when you consider how they carry on in their spare time; inbreeding, sleeping with polo teammates' spouses, killing defenceless animals, dressing as Nazis and not worrying about casual racism. I'm still with you, Lee. Keep up the good work.
Susan Boyle
Susan Boyle
The nation's favourite slightly mentally ill person. No seriously, I don't mind her she seems harmless enough and her talent cannot be denied really. But her kind of music bores me; there's no feeling involved. Okay she might feel the music, but what about the lyrics? What do the lyrics mean to 'SuBo'? Well in the case of Thursday night's song choice, I'd guess they don't mean a hell of a lot. Many respected commentators suggest that Lou Reed's "Perfect Day" (produced by Bowie if you're interested) documents his romanticised attitude towards a period of his own addiction to heroin. Most of us cannot comment on such a topic, so Subo definitely cannot... a small sherry at Christmas and maybe half a bottle of Blue Nun if there's a wedding. Choose life, Subo.
Cheryl Cole
I really cannot warm to this girl. I think she's self-centered, manipulative and pretty bloody ruthless if it comes down to it. And if we believe the newspapers; she's a fucking racist to boot. Don't let the pretty face - and it is pretty to be fair - distract you. But let's be fair to Mrs Cole for a moment (is she still Mrs Cole or are we back to Miss Tweedy? Which sells most records?)... she's made a glittering career for herself so far. "Girls Aloud" were one of Britain's most successful pop bands and now she seems to be doing pretty well as a solo 'artist'. Both those facts amaze me, but to each their own and people buy and listen to whatever pleases them.
She died on her arse on Thursday night though. If the performance was good or great then I would have no problem commenting so. But oh my; it was fucking terrible, embarrassing. Flat, out of tune, nerve-wracked and the songwriting wasn't exactly inspiring either. Epic fail, love.
Les Miserables
This kind of thing isn't really my cup of tea, but the talent on display was undeniable. Compelling. The actual show was on the same day as the student riots in London and you may have seen the news reports of Charles and Camilla's limousine being targeted. So first we have the Royals being attacked by wannabe student revolutionists and an hour or so later, they're both lauding a performance documenting the June Rebellion (an anti-monarchist uprising of Parisian students). I'm not suggesting things should have been different, I just found it interesting and rather amusing.
The Chelsea Pensioners
Knees up muvver braaarn. No thanks.
Take That
I had to turn over to BBC2. Gary Barlow is enormously talented: he plays the piano beautifully, has a strong and wide vocal range and he can write bloody good music and lyrics. Just WHAT do the others do? Besides dance about like dickheads, harmonise and bask in the limelight?
And now Robbie Williams has decided he wants to be back in on everything. Does this have anything to do with his solo 'career' slowly drying up? And already, he's taking centre stage as though he's the fucking messiah - Take That's and pop music's saviour. Robbie Williams and his Take That Band. Fuck off, Robbie and take your insecurity with you... go and play with your mate Johnny Wilkes and massage each other's over-inflated egos.
So there you have it; my unbiased review of the Royal Variety Performance 2010. Or the acts I saw. Not overly impressed as I'm sure you would have known before even sitting down to read this blog update. I just cannot relate to entertainment for the masses; it doesn't light my synapses, pose questions or make me think about deeper meanings. It's just there. I have to qualify that the Les Miserables performance stood out in that respect. Like I have already written; it's not my cup of tea, but at least you learn something from watching.
